Monday

I didn't think there was ANY silver lining to this cloud...but then there's Madeline :)

You don't know.
So don't try.

Not that you do anyways.

You don't know
how it feels
to be trapped in your own fucking head

you don't know
how it feels
to just run and run
until you collapse
because there's no other escape

you don't know
how it feels
to cry until you throw up

you don't know
how it feels
to lay on the wet ground
while it's freezing
for three hours
not feeling worth it
waiting for the ground
to swallow you up

you don't know
who I am

you don't even care
you don't even try
you don't even WANT
to know who that is

i try
GOD i try
but to no avail

i don't want to be here
i don't want to be near you
ANY of you

"this house is not a home..."
damn straight

this house is a place i have to go to every night
a place to eat,
a place to sleep

ugh
a place with a huge abundance
of crap i don't need

which brings me back around to today

at our softball game
which basically sucked
i was feeling really down
and scared
and pissed
i didnt want to come back here

and then Madeline comes up
"Hey cass!"
"Hi, Mad. How are you?"

and she told me the one thing i've been needing to hear.
"I'm good. You look pretty today."
"Aww, thanks Mad."

"Well, you look pretty every day."

getting a compliment from her
isn't like from other people
because i know she means it
i know she's sincere
and it was what i needed

some things, the weirdest things,
can pull us out of a stupor
can give us the lifeline we need
to keep moving
keep pushing on
through it all

and that was it.

Thank you, Mad.
It means the world :)

It's enough to get me through the night
and that's what I'm going to do

take it one minute,
one hour,
one day
at a time

because i CAN do it
thanks Savanah
for helping me realize that

that i can pull through

thank you thank you thank you.

i know i can be strong.

Saturday

So...

Okay, so i didn't go to the BRMS dance (i know right)
SO HOW WAS IT?!?!?
i want everyone's opinion