Dreaming...

hmmm...
jacob got me thinking
about dreams
and their point

i mean,
what IS the point of a dream?

My dreams never make sense

It's like they get
twisted.

Bizarrely so.

They take the things
that you want most in the world
and distort them
into something that you don't want at ALL

or visa versa

they take things you hate
or have at least
learned not to love
and make them
the most important thing
to you.

why?

what could possibly contort
your thoughts
into a soap opera?

The past week,
I have been dreaming
about things
that should not be.

And now I'm even more confused than ever.
what I want
what I love
what it right
what is wrong
are all mixed up
swirled together
into a mess
that i can make no sense of

but in a way...
it's fun to dream

it's FUN
to allow your mind to wander
in ways that you won't let it
consciously

most times i never want to wake up.

I wonder if death is just one big dream?
if it is, i think i would readily accept it.

Would you?

Rain

haha ok well since every1's talking about rain...
i thought i might as well
(im bored as hell if u cant tell)
((HOLY CRAP THAT ALL RHYMED))

ok
i think that rain is the most amazing precipitation
there is nothing more pure

i like to stand in the rain sometimes
just stand there.
With my head up and my arms stretched up high over my head
reaching for the stars

as i stand there
with the water pouring down on me
everything seems...
right.
in place.

like a puzzle that you've been working on
and that one last piece...
just doesn't match.
And then inspiration hits.
It's like duhhh

that's how i feel

it's also so incredibly romantic
like in the notebook.
"Why didn't you write me?"
"I wrote you 365 letters.
I wrote you every day for a year!"
"It wasn't over for me!"
"It's STILL not over!"

and then an incredible kiss.

I have always wanted to be kissed in the rain.
It's every girl's dream, I think.

But these are only some of the reasons why rain is so...
pure
beautiful
romantic
amazing.

It falls from the heavens
a caressing embrace
telling us
it will all be
okay.

One Missed Call

ok
so me erica brigid and sarah has a sleepover last night
and we watched one missed call
and HOLY SHIT it was scaryyyy
me sarah and brigid were all clutching eachother and screaming bloody murder
and erica was laughing
omg
and monty kept giving us false alarms
and growling
but we didnt know he was downstairs
so we thought someone was growling in the dark
and we screamed
duhh
HOLY GOD is was so frikin scaryy
and so funn
i <3 getting really scared
but yeah

LIVE LIFE UNBUTTONED!!!!

Choking

Confused

lost and broken
in my own mind

Asphyxiated

by words
words i cannot say
words i long to say

but at what cost?

I feel trapped.
backed into a corner
into the deepest niches of my mind.

Suffocating.
I hate having to hide
hide myself
hide my TRUE feelings
making other people happy before myself.

You kept me up.
for two hours
last night.

Lying there
you churning around in my thoughts.

Your face
your eyes
your touch
YOU

get out of my head!

Why can't i spit it out?

Gasping for breath
choking
against the stranglehold
on my lips.
I pry them apart
but to no avail.

"Already tied down!"
my head screams
"Give it up.
give it ALL up.
You know it's no use!
You know it will never be."

"No! I love him!"
my broken heart cries out.
"Isn't that enough?"

But which do I heed?
reason?
or impulse?

Either way, I lose
something.
Which am I more able
to lose?

I am trapped.
Why must I hide myself
from the world?
from all that i love?
from you?

anonymus

hoo the hell is this?
plz let me kno...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!

What is love?

ok.
so gunner wanted to know what we thought love was.
So I went and found some quotes that i thought were pretty nice.
and here they are...

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."

"Loves makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place."

"To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven."

"Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever."

"Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile."

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away."

i love this one :

"Love is friendship set on fire."

This last one is kind of confusing, but I liked it.

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness."

so basically summing up what i think love is:
unconditional
incredible
so powerful it makes your heart ache

it involves
suffering
crying
fighting
doing things that you might not necessarily do otherwise

but in the end,
love REALLY is what keeps our human existence going
it's the base of everything we know

so yeah...
that's all i got
what about you gunner?

Falling Into You

I've been crushed like paper
I've been washed like rain
I've been scared of sleeping
In case I wake up the same

I've been broken and battered
I've been lost in my home
I've been crying a river
I've been cold as a stone

I've been left unattended
I've been thrown like a ball
I've been rolled with the punches
And I didn't feel a thing at all

I've been crossed by the wires
I've been blinded by the light
I've been burnt by the fire
I've been kept out of sight

But falling into you
It carries me far enough away
And everything you do
It lightens up my darker side of day
I just hope that the wind
Doesn't blow you away

I just hope that the wind
doesn't
blow
you
away.

YAYY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE!!
I LOVE YOUU

Crazy Beautiful (sorry maia im posing your title)

I just have to say, Maia you are amazing.

Watching you on the hoop,
i could tell that you were really passionate about it.

And you were beautiful.

I thought i had never seen anyone so gorgeous.
Screw all those fake models you know?

U were so sure of yourself.
I couldn't get over it.

And if you had seen Ari's face.
He was totally mesmerized.
it was so touching.

And now i realize how it should've been you know?
even though it all turned out okay...

It should've been a different ok.
You are the deserving one here.

I'm just the jealous bitch who had to go and ruin everything.

So from the bottom of my heart, i am sorry.
For what i did to you.
I realize that now.

And btw i will yell at Mr. Clark for getting you in trouble.
I h8 him.

torn

I'm torn.

Between what i love and what i crave.

Slow burn, like molten lava.
That's what i love.

But i crave wildfire.
Gasoline and open flame.

Two different things from two different sources.

Am i being selfish in wanting both?

YES

i knew everything would work out all right.
omg im SO happy 4 u 2 (u kno hoo u r)
its crazy
see?
theres a silver lining to every cloud...
I LOVE YOU

Sing

Life is a song.
Belt it out while you can.
Even if the melody is really tricky.
With flips and 32nd notes and 16 measure runs before you get a half note.
Know that there IS a half note somewhere.

And if its just a fast paced piece,
and you can find no place to breathe,
stagger breathe.
Sneak one in somewhere.
Don't think you don't have an option.
No one will kill you for it.
It makes a piece interesting.
Exciting.

And there is always someone else to help you sing it.
Even if it's not the person you would really like to sing with
or someone who sings it way off key
it's still someone
helping you sing your song.

And make it last!
have fun with it!
see the bright side...
the happier parts to it.

Sing.
until your lungs give out,
and there's no breath left in you.
Make that last note the best one.

Most importantly,
let other people hear your song.
Don't think no one will like it.
Because they will.
How could they not?

Sorry, this is all coming from a singing freek...
but its true
have fun singing your song.

just a thought...

secrets secrets are no fun
unless they're shared with everyone!

haha ya right

translation:

secrets secrets are no fun
unless i know

am i right?

Quote...

"She sighed. 'it's the same thing we were talking about.
I hurt people, trying to save myself.
but there I was, madly in love...so what was I to do?
There simply isn't any choice when you know
you have to do something.
So you inflict the hurt, and you smooth it as much as you can by saying
"this is MY fault, not yours...
and it works out.
You get through the pain, and it works out.
In my case i found incredible happiness."

From the book Find A Stranger, Say Goodbye

wut does that sound like?
its just more proof that we CAN do this
u kno hoo u r...
we can get through it

Crush

I hung up the

phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away
Goin' away
Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away
This crush ain't goin' away
Goin' away

Please.

Of course I understand.
How could I not?
Mother dead.
Hopeless love.
Confused,
lost,
unsure.
I'm not completely heartless!

But when you tell me one thing
"Go for it! It'll be better!"
How do you expect me to know what you're really thinking?
"Leave him. Please. I love him."

I did what i did because i thought it was right.
Because you told me it was.

So why is it getting worse?

I know that the night is darkest right before the dawn.

So i believe we can do this.
But only together.

We need to
not blame
not get angry
not overreact.

I'm guilty of this also,
more than you.

But i need you to get through it.
If we don't talk, how can we pull through?

I need you with me girl.
I need you to help me see.
because I can't.

Can you forgive me?
Forgive everything I've done?
Put it aside,
lock it away?

Because i want to do this together.

I still see you the same.
I'm not mad
but nor am i happy.
We need to fix this.

What do you think?
Can you?

not a stalker ;)

just wanna say (gunner) dw in not stalking u ;)
i just love 2 read wut u guys write
im a friend of a friend...
(of a friend, some of you)

Don't worry

just wanna say dat the depressing poems rnt about me...
dw im not gonna commit suicide or anything
dis is just a place 4 me 2 write wut i want
dw :)

On The Brink

Nobody can see how bad that

I

want to jump.
"Oh, come on.

Don't

throw your life away"
they all say.
But why not?
It's what I

want

isn't it?
After all,
It's easier

to

not feel any pain than to
feel it every second,
right?
If I

die

from the fall, won't i feel better?
away from all the pain.

Alone.

Cutting Down

Who can tell me

why

we fight and lie and hurt.

Must

we always be
so shallow and vain that

we

use others to bring us down?
Why do we think that when we

hurt

someone else, it makes us any more whole?
We are

so

much more human when we accept ourselves
and everyone else.
Why do we always hurt so

much?

Breaking Point

Everybody

Has a price they will willingly accept.

everybody

has

someone that they would do
anything for.
Or

a

special something
that they would pay any

price

to keep safe.
Something that

they

would sell their soul for
if you asked.
It's those things that

are

so precious to us that can be
our undoing. when we are so

willing

to do anything
for something so special

to

us, we abandon all sense
and only think about that one thing.
In the end, we will all

pay.

Who Knows?

So beautiful, it makes me hurt.
That golden hair, that golden skin.
But who knows what's underneath?

When she walks, heads turn
When she talks, people listen.
But who knows what's really up?

A million friends she has
A million dollar smile to match
but who knows what lurks beneath?

Because when I look into her eyes, i see a grief,
an agony so fierce.
But who knows what she's fighting?

Broken homes and broken lies.
Fights and fear and frantic searching.
But who knows what for?

Just 14, a brilliant life ahead.
The world is hers for the taking.
but who knows if she wants to live in it?

Can you not see the suffering there/
in those beautiful blue-green eyes that are like a window into her soul?

Because it's there.
In everything she does.
Waiting to erupt.
But who knows how she hides it?

I know.
I know that she goes home and cries herself to sleep.
I know that she is dying with every second they can't take that horrible curse out of her.
I know that she deals with one she loves in the arms of a friend.
I know that beneath all of the cheer and confidence that seems to radiate from her, there is only a broken,
confused,
lost,
heartbroken,
child.
I know this.
And yet...
Who knows who she really is?
Not I.
Nobody knows.