I think I'm slipping.

And just for the record,
if you're thinking right now,
"I asked her if she was fine and she said she was.
Wow, what's her problem...?"

I'm okay.
I really am.

It's just...
I'm remembering all of these things.
That I never thought i would have to
remember.

I have been so drained lately...
for a bunch of reasons
It was something I could deal with
I didn't think
people would start
saying things.

Mrs. Fary told me I didn't look like myself...
My ninja buddy (Mrs. Crayton) kept asking me if i was feeling ok...
Savanah thought i had been crying cuz my eyes were puffy...
I've just been trying to getup in the morning, much less care
about what I look like.
I've kind of given up on that due to the hair issue.

Then i started getting dizzy a lot.
and i don't know what it could be.
Sleep deprivation...?
Anemic issues...?
something else?

And then there's still the memory of that summer
and the year (8 months) following it.
And i know it seemed...terrible
to any outside point of view
but...
it was helping me.
and sick as it may be,
i liked it


I've been hearing so much about it...
from so many people.
And that's not a bad thing!
I'm not blaming anyone.
I like being there for you guys...
feeling helpful, useful to someone.
but sometimes i start wondering...
and then remembering...

and then i find myself
trying to convince myself
"no"
convince myself otherwise

and i don't
understand
a
damn
thing
about
any
of
it.

I'm exhausted from trying.
You would think I would be able
to understand my own thoughts
wouldn't you?

Pff.

Yeah right.





Life would be too easy.